Published In The Great North Arrow, April 1, 2025: Toilet Seats

Toilet Seats

- jim young

The flush toilet, more than any other single invention has ‘civilized’ us in a way that religion and law could never accomplish. - Thomas Lynch

Of all the conflicts in the so-called Battle of the Sexes, the dispute of the toilet seat has got to be the most ridiculous. And at the risk of  alienating myself from my fellow peers (pun intended) I will say this only once, "Come on guys - if it's that important to the ladies - PUT THE SEAT DOWN!"

It's not that big of a deal for the guys to put the toilet seat back down after, but then in all fairness, why is it such a big deal for the ladies to put it down before?

“Have you ever sat down on the toilet and fallen through because the seat wasn't down?" I have been asked, and I have to admit I have not. And this is a key point. Guys sometimes have to sit down too and there must be times when either he or someone else has left the seat up.

But does he complain? No.

Does he fall through? No.

So I have to ask, "What do you ladies do? Back into the bathroom and sit down without looking? What happens when the lid is down too?" 

Maybe it's not just the guys who are to blame for all the pee around the base of the toilet after all.

But what bothers me most about this whole issue, is that most women seem to think that leaving the toilet seat up is an act of facetiousness. This simply is just not true.

Nor is it some kind of a twisted practical joke. In all my life as a practical joker, not once has anyone I know ever said to his buddies, "Hey, let's sneak into the girl’s washroom and put all the toilet seats up!"

It doesn't have the qualifications to be a practical joke. Although the results might be considered funny to some - who ever gets to witness the victim being caught in the joke? This is a key element in the art of practical jokes.

Neither is it a form of punishment. Never in a fight with any of my wives or girlfriends have I ever thought to myself, "I'll get even with the bitch. When she's not looking, I'll put the toilet seat up. That'll fix her little red wagon."

Come on guys, let's do it for the ladies. After all, who wants it to come to his and her bathrooms in every house? 

And one more thing while we're talking about toilets. I don't care if you're male or female - when you use the last piece of toilet paper - CHANGE THE ROLL!

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