A Missed Opportunity

- jim Young

“If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.” - Milton Berle

I was going through a box of memorabilia that my mother had saved for me when I came across my Grade 4 Report Card from 1962. My birthday falls at the end of the year so I would have been 9.

Inside my report card was a ticket for FREE admission to the Canadian National Exhibition. (The grounds only.)

Obviously, since I still had the ticket, my parents DIDN’T take me to the CNE that year.

But if you look at the back of the ticket, you’ll notice the much BIGGER missed opportunity… the chance to Meet The — 3 STOOGES — In Person for only 50 cents!

With an allowance of just 25 cents a week, of which I was expected to save 10 cents, that would take me… let’s see 25 cents - 10 cents = 15 cents x 4 weeks = 60 cents with enough left over for a pop or comic book. Yep, just 4 weeks to save up the money. (You’ll note in my report card below that my marks in Arithmetic were in the high 80s.)

I got my report card at the end of June that year. The Three Stooges didn’t open until August 20th so that gave me 7 weeks and 3 days to save up. Again, my great Arithmetic marks paid off. I would even be able to budget in an occasional pop, comic book or popsicle throughout the hot summer months. 

Seeing the 3 Stooges live, for me, would be akin to Ralphie getting his “Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-Shot Range Model Air Rifle” in the classic Christmas Movie, “A Christmas Story.”

And, as an added benefit, my mother wouldn’t even have to worry about me putting my eye out. Unless of course Moe mistook me for Curly. Afterall I did have a brush cut like Curly did in those days. Of course, unbeknownst to me at the time, both Curly and Shemp were already long dead and I didn’t look that much like Curly Joe, so I was probably safe from any eye injuries.

It’s sad that I missed my chance to see The 3 Stooges live, whatever their lineup was at the time. I think the marks on my report card showed I had earned it.

Sure, I sucked in printing and managed only slightly better in Art. But that should have only counted as one anyway. What did my teacher expect? If I couldn’t command my pencil well enough to make nicely shaped letters of the alphabet, what chance did I have with crayons to keep from colouring outside of the lines?

Almost ALL of my other marks were in the 80s or 90s even though I missed 15 days throughout the school year.

On the bright side, most of those sick days at home were probably spent watching The 3 Stooges on television.

Yes, my friends… Those were the days.

- 30 -

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