Published In The Great North Arrow, July 2021: Ladder On A Wall

- jim Young

"Falling down is a part of life. Getting back up is living.” - anon

My cousin insists on telling me that at my age, I shouldn’t even own a ladder. He’s probably right. But I do.

It’s just a 20’ extension ladder and it comes in very handy in times when I need to put up my Christmas lights or get up on my roof to clean my chimney.

Like last winter. I figure winter is the safest time to use a ladder because at least there’s snow to soften the blow when I slip and fall. And I don’t really worry about falling off the ladder so much as I worry about falling off the roof.

Steel roofs have a tendency to be slippery. Especially when they are coated with 6” of ice and another few inches of snow.

But there I was, up on the roof with my chimney sweep in hand all set to give it a good cleaning. As I was removing the chimney cap, a piece of creosote got in my eye. When the watering of my eye failed to wash it out, I thought it might help if I removed my contact lens. 

Try as I might, however, my bare fingers, now freezing in the cold, could not seem to grasp my contact lens and pull it from my eyeball. The creosote on the other hand worked its way out on its own and I was able to return to the task at hand.

The chimney was quickly cleaned and I was soon back safely on the solid ground, er, I mean soft snow.

Upon returning my ladder to the shed, I noticed my glasses were missing. I feared the worst, thinking I must’ve removed my glasses when I tried to extract the creosote from my eye and left them up on the roof. I was not looking forward to trekking back to the house to extend the ladder and climb it a second time. 

One attempt to climb the ladder a day with no injury seemed to be good fortune. Endeavouring a second attempt was just tempting fate. So I was relieved to discover I had tucked my glasses in my shirt pocket and a second climb would not be required.

Why was I wearing both glasses and contact lenses, you ask?

That’s when it struck me. Contact Lenses? I don’t wear contact Lenses! I wear glasses. I haven’t worn contact lenses for about 5 years. That “contact lens” I was attempting to rip from my eyeball with my bare hands was actually my cornea.

Maybe safely climbing a ladder is not my biggest worry.

I placed my ladder at the side of my shed and that’s where it has remained until recently.

I don’t really have a place to put my ladder. It isn’t practical to put it in the shed as it takes up too much space. Lying it beside the shed is a bit of an eyesore. It looks like someone was too lazy to put it away even if it is “away”. 

“Beside the shed” is my ladder’s “away spot”.

This summer I decided to do something about it. I bought 2 ladder hooks to attach to the wall of the shed and hung my ladder from the hooks.

It’s in the same spot now that it was before except that it’s hanging 2 feet off the ground. But now it “looks” like it’s been put away.

I think my ladder looks pretty good hanging on the side of the wall of my shed. But now I have the urge to paint my shed red. You know - so my ladder will look like it’s hanging on the side of a fire truck.

I’ve always wanted my own fire truck.

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